Best Stand Up Ever?

[Uncle Fester]

I saw a Native American comedian a long time ago who was funny as hell -- can't remember his name.

He started his act with an adaptation of the stereotypical indian chant: "Hey-how-are-ya, Hey-how-are-ya..."

He also said something about how as a kid, he and his friends thought whites had weird songs, saying "We never sat around singing 'One little, two little, three little white boys...'"

Anybody know this guy?

[yt1300inHtown]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Buttspray:



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42 long.

38?

No. 42 long.

40?

No...its too small. 42 long.

38?

Read my fuckin lips! 42 fuckin long!

40?

Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin chink!

[Bassman]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Buttspray:
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Whaaaaatttt, I just bought you a pizza!!!

Hey buddy you mind?? I got half my arm up this chics pipe over here.

Why do you always like to lick my asshole
Cuz your pussy tastes like SHIT, OOOHHHHH!!

Gaaagguusssh!


other standups:

Dana Carvey had me in tears with the guitar playing bit.
Chris Rock

[Bobby42]

Richard Pryor

The King and the one stand-up everyone else studies.

Wino directing traffic on Sunday mornings:

Say fool, you better slow that car down! This is an neighborhood, this ain't no residential district. (singing) "Jesus on mind." Yeah boy, I know Jesus. I remembered when da boy got kilt. It was on a Friday down by the railroad depot. I tried to warn the dude, I said: "Boy, don't you go down there fukking with those Jews without no money."

Say, Mr. Ice Cream boy you want to turn that shit down. Don't nobody want listen to that shit this time of morning.

Waitaminute, look a tat fool. Junky ass muthfukker. I remember boy used to be a genius. I ain't lying, he used to book the numbers without using paper or pencil. Now, he don't remember who he is. Say boy!!! Better git yo ass out the street.

[Sniper 1]

Another Pryor moment:

"As I was walkin' down the streets of Peoria, Illinois.....eatin' a tuna fish sandwich .... there came to from an alleyway the voice of God. As only the voice of God can come to me. Though I did not venture into the alleyway for it may not have been the voice of God, but two or three niggas' with a baseball bat."

<font color="#330033" size="1">[ February 23, 2002 05:36 PM: Message edited by: Sniper 1 ]</font>

[Owen this too]

My favorite is Sam Kinison.

A lot of these other comedians had to fine tune there act to achieve success. Sam was just being Sam. Whether this was the result of being hit on the head, a holy vision, love gone bad, drugs...his act just seems to be pure, honest, midnight diner comedy. He would've made an epic message board poster with rarely a boring post.

Almost 10 year gone.

RACK YOU WAY UP THERE, BROTHER SAM.

[mulebaby]

The best of all time, hands down, its got to be:
Gallagher
Nobody but nobody smashes a watermelon like Gallagher.

Sincerely,
Carrot-top

[Smackie Chan]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by mulebaby:

The best of all time, hands down, its got to be:
Gallagher</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

I had front-row middle seats when I saw him. Very messy drive home.

[mulebaby]

Janks, exactly where did you learn to count?

[Python]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Smackie Chan:

Very messy drive home.</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

Wait until you get home to jerk it, dude.